Mysterious News Briefly — September 7, 2021
Billionaires apparently want to be around long enough to spend all of their money as a new Silicon Valley anti-aging company called Altos Labs is backed by Amazon founder Jeff Bezos and Russian billionaire Yuri Milner, while its list of scientists includes Juan Carlos Izpisúa Belmonte, a Spanish biologist at California’s Salk Institute who has done research mixing human and monkey embryos. This sounds like the plot for ‘Planet of the Billionaire Apes’.
NASA’s Ingenuity helicopter on Mars was only supposed to fly five times, but has now completed 12 flights, prompting NASA to extend Ingenuity’s mission indefinitely. ‘Indefinitely’ means at least until it draws a Martian giant sandworm to the surface to flick its tongue at what it hopes is a giant Martian mosquito.
Astronomers have determined that a mysterious sudden and violent burst of radio energy as bright as a supernova was actually the result of a star swallowing a black hole which then devoured it from within, causing the star to explode and free the black hole unscathed. Must have been a male star who sniffed the black hole and thought it was still OK to eat.
Good news for inventors – U.S. federal judge Leonie Brikema ruled recently that an AI can’t be listed as an inventor on a U.S. patent under current law. Be suspicious of any patent listing one of the inventors as AIbert EAInstein.
A mysterious fast-growing blob emerging from a trash bin after Hurricane Ida hit New Orleans has been identified as a giant ball of pizza dough dumped by a Domino’s Pizza employee that began rising as the heat rose following the storm. Sounds like the plot of a new movie called “The Dominator.”
Archeologists from the Institute of Archaeology of the Russian Academy of Science have uncovered traces of Mesolithic settlements near the Veletma River in Russia that date back 10,000 years ago to the Middle Stone Age and the early development of the Butovo culture. If they find in pots evidence of mammoth stew, this could change everything.
Building materials from structures from in ancient Jerusalem such as the Temple Mount have been traced to a newly discovered 2000-year-old quarry under a modern hi-tech hub whose name in Hebrew means “Quarrymen’s Hill.” The definitive proof would be if they found some parchment building permits.
An old recording of an Australian duck named Ripper clearly sounds like it’s saying “You bloody fool!” and a study published in the journal Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B has proved that this is the first scientifically authenticated case of a duck capable of vocal learning. Sounds daffy.
After being charged $70,000 for X-rays taken during a hospital stay, engineer Willam Osman built his own working home X-ray machine using a $155 X-ray vacuum tube he recovered from a broken dental X-ray machine, a giant roll of sheet lead, several Geiger counters and an electricity supply capable of delivering 60,000 volts. Sounds like the opening scene of a new movie called ‘The Incredible Glowing Man’.
The famous Vinland Map, once thought to be a 15th century map showing the earliest depiction of the New World called “Vinlanda Insula,” has been proven to be a fake after the ink was revealed to contain a titanium compound used in inks first produced in the 1920s. Vinlanda Insula is still a great name for a prog rock band.